The big reveal?!

As I lay here tonight my thoughts are on tomorrow. My nerves conflict with the excitement that dwells within. One part of me can't sleep excited like a girl going to the first day of school. Nervous that the doctor could delay or that we are left with more questions than answers. I so desperately want this procedure done. I want Payson's new doctors to be able to view the inner complications my sons body has to hold. I need these doctors to dabble with our reality and finally know our sons body. I want to know what lies ahead! Yet emotionally I hesitant because Payson is now aware and terrified of medial atmospheres and anyone he doesn't know in scrubs.

Who would I be kidding if I said that I am being purely selfless in my desire. Ha I want answers! I want to know when/if our life will ever return to our normal. Will they be able to tell us an end date or will they devastate us with a longer stint in this emotional taxing life we lead. I want to know when I might not ever have to worry about Payson getting sick which has become our baseline for him. I want to know is he safe to eat, what can he eat, what restrictions or give the green light. Will the g-tube be a life fixture even after all this therapy because he body can't handle large quality of foods? What is going on in the upper airway that is blocking his exhalation? What caused his vocal cord to be paralyzed? I need not go on as you can see I desperately want answers and we really need them.

I have to trust that it is all in Gods time not mine, but don't blame me for giving the old college try. I promise you that the doctor will have very valid points as to why we should proceed with the OR appointment! Poor man has no clue who he is about to meet tomorrow!

May Gods hand be on Payson tonight and tomorrow, (actually for the rest of his life but one step at a time right now) for His big reveal!