I run to you

There is a country song, I run to you, that has the line, "I run my life or is it running me?" This sums up how I feel about my life. Just when I think I have a handle on it; life runs me over! Example: Just when I think I can get stuff done...laundry, blogging, crocheting, cleaning, etc...my milk comes in forcing me to stop doing whatever it is to go pump! Nothing gets accomplished quickly b/c of this one unfufilling chore I need to do. (I am currently pumping holding the pumps with one hand while I sit here and blog with the other hand...ha I am running life). Todd and I feel like we can't stop to catch a breath that we need to keep going! I am not sure what we think will happen if we did stop. Maybe we think that we would lose steam or motivation to keep on chugging along. I don't know, but it sure does feel that at times life is running us.

While on the topic of pumping have you ever seen the movie Airplane? Yes, the old Airplane movie! Remember the scene with the girl who is ill, accompanied by her mom, hooked up to an IV and the flight attendant comes back to sing her a song with a guitar? The flight attendant would sing and sway with the music every time she swayed she would pull the girls IV out thus the girl would immediately begin to convulse, sucking in her cheeks while trying to reconnect her IV. This happens several times during the one scene. Well, when I am pumping or when we take off Payson's suction (for just a moment to untangle him) I feel like our cheeks are going to sink in as if we are being depleted of everything inside us. Sorry that was so random, but it made me chuckle!

Pumping brings me to another topic...How do those girls with big boobies do it? Especially those girls with man made big boobies! I am not a big girl to begin with, but when I have a baby I am bigger than normal, (which is probably the world's average size) but I feel soooo top heavy! After spending 4.5 months not able to sleep on my stomach all I want to do is be able to sleep in my favorite position. I get one or two nights before the girls bust out and make sleeping on my stomach one of the most uncomfortable positions ever...The stirrups are more comfortable! When I go to hug someone I feel as if my boobs get there 5 minutes before I do! It is ridiculous! Needless, to say I don't think I will ever be asking for bigger tatas much less paying for them, but I have gotten a new respect for Dolly Parton. Whew, girlfriend it has got to suck!

Randomness over, now onto Payson: He is officially a Bryn Mawr hospital patient or resident which ever way you look at it. (: We moved him yesterday and all went well, but the transition hasn't been easy on any of us. One nurse told us that they don't want the parents to hold the babies until their feeding time. Immediately we told them that wasn't going to work for us and that we will hold him when we are there, since that isn't a lot of time considering the 24 hours that are in a day. The nurse responded, "Is he your first?" I said, "NO" and she went onto say, "well, it is your choice, but if you hold him now he will want to be held all the time." What? Holding him at the most 4 hours a day isn't going to spoil him into wanting to be held 24/7. ARRR. Then we argued that his suction tube wasn't in far enough and the nurse refused to listen to us saying she'll ask the doctors (who are as new to Payson as she was). Needless, to say there was an incident with the suction tube today! On top of all that they told us they didn't know what intracite gel was, (this is the gel that is for burn victims that is healing little Payson's head). Oh, dear what did we get ourselves into? Did we just make a huge mistake concerning Payson's medical care?

Today when I arrived the nurse seemed so unprepared for a baby with Payson's condition. She was sweet and asked a lot of questions, but I felt like she was a little too naive to be handling his care. To be honest it scared the crap out of me, but how do you tell the Dr. that you are uncomfortable with a nurses ability to care for your child? How do you get the nurse to give you privacy to talk to the doctor alone? Let me give you the low down on the NICU at Bryn Mawr. It is one large open room where privacy is unheard of and older nurses common. Poor Payson is surrounded by babies who are very demanding, have normal cries (vs. his little weak cry), nurses talking loudly, bells/whistles going off and glaring lights shining down. Babies are stacked up against each other and parents (when there) can find out all the personal/medical details of other babies by listening to the nurses talk. If you have to pump you might as well go to a strip bar and get paid for it b/c everyone can see you and your girls! This NICU is very invasive and disheartening! Yet, we are going to make the best of it while we are there!

So, the incident that happened today with Payson's suction tube...
As I mentioned they don't have the tube inserted far enough into his esophagus to grab all the excretions that he makes. The first sign that the suction isn't working is he begins to sound congested. The second sign is he begins to make bubbles with his mouth. The third sign is his breathing becomes very shallow. So, earlier in the day I was holding him and for the first time ever he sounded congested while holding him on my chest. I would change his position and that seemed to help, but before long he began to make bubbles. Immediately I called over his nurse and said that I thought he needed to be suctioned manually. She got out the tube and suctioned just his mouth...a lot of good that will do boy genius! Within 10 minutes he was bubbling at his mouth, his oxygen levels kept dropping, getting mad, turning blue and unable to catch his breath. Immediately I called his nurse over and she suctioned him. I reminded at his side holding him upright and patting his back. She got a booger out of his nose that could have potentially been another child and also got so/so excretions out of his pouch. After she got all the "stuff" out of him, he went right to sleep. After she caught her breath, (and I caught mine) she said that he was suctioned around 7 am. If they suction him often this can cause his throat to get sore and bleed, so it is best not to suction him unless it is absolutely necessary. Needless, to say at DuPont they did this procedure at the most once a day, so to do it twice in six hours is a lot! I still believe something is wrong with the suction machine, but I can't prove it and they will just have to be diligent about watching him. As you can imagine we are a little nervous with him being in a transition phase over there. We look forward to everyone knowing his case so we don't need to worry!

I did speak to the NeoNatal doctor today and she mentioned that the she spoke to the Pediatric doctor and he was willing to take on Payson. She felt that they'd move him to the Pediatric floor early next week, (Thank You Jesus...it would be a private room, with a bathroom, tv, bed and lounge chair). Their only concern about moving him to the peds floor is that it can house infectious diseases cases so they were trying to figure out what room would be better for our fragile little boy! After speaking to her the surgeon who is part of our lovely surgeons group came to talk to me, (Noelle, he reminds me so much of Chris' husband...personality and looks) he had me cracking up! A lot of personality for a surgeon and it was refreshing! He informed me that it will be another 3-4 weeks before they'll do the study to find out how far apart his two ends are and if they have grown at all. If the ends have grown closer then we will just have to continue to wait for them to grow close enough to were they can connect the ends. If they haven't made any progress then they will have to try another method, but he wasn't sure which direction that would be. He said there are a lot of ways to treat this and it depends on what the choose concerning treatment. He did say that it could be 3-6 months or longer before Payson would be finished! Oh, my we really have a long haul!

Anyways, I really need some time to relax, crocheting and chill so I am going to end this here, but as of tonight Payson is comfortable and sleeping!