One week and counting

This time next week they will have performed the study that will tell us how far apart the two esophageal ends are. In knowing this information we should be able to set goals for Payson's esophageal growth, length of hospital stay, when he can have his main surgery and if/when the central line comes out. At least it is our hope to have these answers then, (especially since patience isn't my strongest virtue). I have asked everyone to pray before, but now I beg everyone to pray that God reaches from the heavens to touch Payson's body and grow the two ends together. May this touch from the Miracle Worker make the two ends so close that they won't even have to stretch them to connect. By doing this it would prevent lifelong doctor visits to have his esophagus stretched and might even prevent acid reflux issues.

Everyday I have spent time praying for a miracle and begging God for His divine intervention on Payson. It is my desire to pray with a "child-like" heart, (which is hard to accomplish on a good day) but I have found that my heart and mind are stuck with realistic medical views; ones that don't allow for miracles or divine interventions. In all honesty the lack of "child-like" prayer is caused by my need to survive this. I can't really believe God will perform His mysterious work on Payson b/c that will leave me vulnerable to hurt/pain when we are told that the distance is still very far apart. If I keep telling myself that we will be here for a long time and Payson has a long road ahead of him then I will not be disappointed causing tears to flood my cheeks. What if I did have that "child-like" faith, would anger fill my soul towards God with any news other than what I desire? Are my prayers for a miracle not allowing room for God's will to be done? Do I even want God's will to be done if it causes disappointment? (Harsh...I know, but praying for God's will is not an easy thing to do when you really want something and aren't sure it is in the cards). I know all of this is a way for me to protect my heart, but it is casting doubting on my Father. I really want to be able to pray with firm belief that God will intercede in Payson's care without the doubt creeping in from the science/medical/reality side of things. So, maybe while I struggle with how to pray you all could be praying for that same miracle that I so desperately want.

6 days and counting...

UPDATE: As I wrote the above I recieved an email with this link to a really neat testimony. Since you just read the above watch this video to see what God has to say. Funny how he works, isn't it? Thank you Lord, for being amazing, surprising, faithful and elbowing (more like a swift kick in my butt) me to let me know you are here!!!!