Letting go!

Man oh man was it hard to let Payson go into the ER wide awake without me! What must he think of us as parents that we allow all this to happen to him. As he was being wheeled off in a drama-like way he looked back as if to say, "Please mom, help me". Tears just flowed and my heart began to ache!

Last night as I watched Payson sleep peacefully I realized that this surgery is a means to an end and even though it is a necessary evil (evil in the sense of pain producing) it goes against every motherly instinct I have. It is my job to love, cuddle, protect and guide him, but so far I have only been able to love & cuddle him. I can't protect him from the countless needles sticks they had to do for a lab draw, I can't protect him from them cutting his side today, I can't save my little boy's life if something were to go wrong and I most certainly can't fix him! This sucks! I have never felt so helpless in my life! I have never felt so venerable! It isn't easy knowing you have to put your child's fate in a strangers hands and feel so needy for the doctors to feed you some good new information. It now rests in God's and the surgeons hands! Nice and steady, nice and steady!

Please pray join us in praying for the Dr's, Staff and Payson over the next four hours as we await Payson's return to our side! Our hearts will hurt for the next week as we watch him struggle through recovery!