Heaven's comedy show

Today was a laid back, uneventful day. Not one that would stay embedded in our memories, but one that was nice. Of course in this household that can't last long. So, after our nurse left and within 30 minutes of Todd going to a photo shoot the caosis began.

It was around 5:15 pm when I realized that I needed to do Payson's feeding therapy. So, while a screaming two year old walks under my feet I begin to get his carrots ready. I move the little man to his chair on the floor...opps forgot his feeding utensils. So, I get up grab the items sit back down and start Payson's therapy. Then I hear the screen door slam, I get up run to the back door to realize that Margaret Ruth had demonstrated her new trick. She opened up the back door and walks on out of the house without anyone knowing. So, I yell for Zach to make sure to watch her and once again try to feed Payson. Now feeding Payson isn't the typical feeding of an infant it involves stimulating his mouth, giving him a bite with a cold spoon, waiting until you see him move the food around in his mouth then following up with the cold spoon to see if he actually swallowed it. 9 out of 10 times he still hasn't swallowed it, so we have to keep giving him false bites with the spoon hoping it will get him to swallow. Just to get 5/10 ML (very tiny amount) takes at least an hour. In order to get the study done we need him to take 15 ML. More on this later back to the comedy show. As I get another bite into Payson I realize I need to start the grill, so I get up turn on the grill to come back and try to re-focus Payson. A few minutes later I go throw the steaks on the grill and try to finish up my session with Payson. While I feed Payson I answer the phone and as I am talking I notice a lot of smoke blowing in the wind. With that Zach runs in to the house and informs me the grill is on fire. What, Seriously?! So, I drop everything run outside to turn off the grill. I notice that the themotor on the grill is 600 plus degrees and that the grease in the bottom of the grill is on fire. I turn off the burners and quickly move the kids inside. As soon as I start to push Margaret Ruth in the door she starts crying and says "D-A-D-D-Y" in a long drawn out dramatic fashion. As I continue to look at the grill I realize I am over my head and tell Zach to run over and get my neighbor, but in the meantime decide to turn off the gas canister. As I do this Margaret Ruth is screaming bloody murder, Payson's monitor is alarming and Todd isn't answering his phone. I stay inside in the event that the grill decides to blow, but realize that the grill is right outside Payson's window. As soon as I realize that I see my neighbor running over with a huge fire extinguisher! I start cracking up and say that I think it is okay now but appreciate the emergency dart over to our house. As we are about to open the lid Todd calls and Margaret Ruth tries to sneak out of the house again all while Payson has managed to pull his vent tubing off his trach. Our neighbor bravely gets in front of me while opening the lid we see nothing but flame kissed sizzling steaks. So I turn them over with my fingers and decide to let them continue to cook a little bit longer while the grill is off. (Tells you how hot that sucker was when the steaks are sizzling after the fire had been out 5 minutes). Finally, I am able to get back to Payson's feed and finish up only to realize it is time for his tube feed. I get that ready and then get the steaks. Calm seems to be settling in. The steaks are served the corn on stove and Payson alarm starts up. I go take a look at it and the Peep on his vent is way out of wack. After 30 minutes of watching the kids eat and playing with the peep valve I give up and call our medical supply company. Okay, let me step back a second with Payson's vent when his peep is too high an alarm goes off, so when you clear that alarm every time you try to fix it it goes back to alarming before you can try to solve the issue. It was so frustrating trying to see what the peep was, fix it all the while the vent keeps alarming "high peep"...Really Genius? You are just the Shurlock Holmes of all vents? AHHHH! After talking to our Medical Supply company they tell me to change circuits and then call them back. So, I run upstairs grab another set of tubing and have to change it all out again (I had just done so last thurs.). As I am doing this Margaret Ruth insists on playing with the "old" tubing, but because I wasn't sure if the valve on this tubing was bad I didn't want her to touch it. When I said no she'd start crying and yelling for her daddy again. Um, Lord can you please step in here. As I change the tubing, handle sticky fingers magee Payson's pulox alarm starts to not read and continuously alarm. HELLO UP THERE!!! SOME HELP PLEASE! Margaret Ruth decides she wants more steak (mind you I haven't had the first bite yet) as I am trying to adjust the new peep valve and the pulsox alarms reminding me that I have failed to fix that problem. I call back the medical supply company to inform them that the change of circuits worked. Zach gets Margaret Ruth some more steak as I bite into mine ignoring the pulsox machine. Out of the corner of my eye I see Margaret Ruth with her corn. Then she asks me to look at her water where she has deposited a grape. In the next second I see the corn in the water, water everywhere and the grape still sitting in the bottom of the cup. In the next glance the corn is in the stroller, the water is a bigger mess and the grape is being gobbled up by my 2 year old monster. I breath deeply and hope that I can take this in stride trying my hardest to remember that I should try to enjoy this moment. Yet, somehow in my trying to enjoy the moment my mind keeps coming back to why would anyone who has a 2 year old willingly have another child. I mean seriously. I can't believe I wanted more after surviving a two year old before. Are we delusional to have more kids after surviving 6 months of 2 year old tantrums, drama queen fits and tears for the other parent? Lord give me the patience! Now it is time for Payson to get ready for bed...mind you the pulsox is still misbehaving. So, I change his clothes, change the probe to the pulsox and all is calm. Hahahaha I look down at my sweet boy only to see him covered in a rash. Oh my! Give me a blankie, a closet and my thumb because I am so going there tonight. After evaluating Payson's condition I call our nursing company to see what I should do. Our nurse walks me through all the basics while Margaret Ruth screams in the back ground. The nurse and I decide to wait an hour before making any decision. So, I See this as a slim window of opportunity to get Margaret Ruth a bath and to bed. I ask Zach to listen for Payson's alarms and run upstairs to get her in the bath. As soon as she is in the bath Payson manages to pull his vent tubing off his trach and is alarming. I run downstairs to fix the problem and clear the alarms. I get back upstairs only to hear Payson crying 2 minutes later. As much as I hated it I just had to let him scream it out. He wasn't alarming and was just upset he couldn't see someone, (yup he figured out a new trick of crying when we leave so we will come back...he does this or pulls the tubing off...Not a fun trick). I finally ask Zach to rub his back. He calms down and allows me to finish the bath, read Margaret Ruth a book and breath a sigh of relief. Is this night over yet? Yup, the drama ended there! When I look back it dawned on me that I was heaven's entertainment for the night...Glad someone got a laugh!