Ugh Sunday!!!

What a bad title for a post, but come Sunday afternoon my body is consumed by dread. It has become the day when I lose my partner in crime to Rhode Island for a couple days leaving me at home with all the kids, all the responsibility and all the craziness. By the time he comes home I am exhausted and oh so willing to hand over the reins for the evening (unfortunately we had no nurses three nights last week, so exhaustion pursued despite Todd's presence). I am so tired that it irritates me to no end that I can't "handle" the entire responsibility effortlessly and beautifully. Instead I feel like I am tattered and torn by the time Todd gets home on Wed. Anyone who knows me knows I am a very independent person! So, you can imagine it drives me completely nuts to realize I am no good on my own in this situation! ARRR. Maybe I am just hard on myself, but I feel like there are so many women who have four kids + and handle the day to day by themselves with ease. I really feel I should be able to do that! Maybe it is just me trying to make our situation "normal". I mean I have not hindered Payson's life experiences b/c I didn't want him to be denied opportunity. So, since I expect that of him why shouldn't I expect that of me? Who knows!

Todd's job was supposed to last six weeks, but at this point there is no end in sight. Good on one level, financial, bad on another b/c of my overwhelming feeling of failure. To top it all off, next week I am supposed to start school again. I have already delayed this previous term to be the supportive spouse at home, but I really want to continue with my education. Unfortunately, the class I picked is not an easy one, so I might have to delay again until Todd stops traveling. Do I sound unsupportive? I am really not trying to because Todd really wants to get back into the medical field, but....

Anyways...despite my inward aggravation, I have gained a new respect for those mom's whose husbands travel frequently and a greater appreciation for those military mom's. I can't imagine having children and also having my husband serving this country for months to a year at a time. No relief, no break, not a minute of me time. Not only are the servicemen heroes, but their spouses are too! So, hats of to all of you who have traveling partners that stay behind with children in tow, (including those beautiful women in my life who had husbands travel a lot...Mom and Tai Tai I am talking to you).