Funny thing is....

It has officially been two weeks since the wind was blown out of our sails. Although the disappointment still lingers we have carried on with our daily lives. It's funny how the world doesn't stop because you had a bad day, need a moment to catch your breath or need a five minute reprieve. The world will always spin, people will continue on with their lives and will not slow even for a split second. How I wish it would! I just want time to soak in the things that have happened these last couple of years. I want to have time to be upset before we get hit with more potentially upsetting news. I am tired and feel pushed to keep moving when all I want to do is be still. Although that is my desire i can't have it no matter how much I long for it.

So we put one foot in front of the other and march onward! I think the hardest pill to swallow is having the nurses an additional length of time. My home is no longer my safe haven but a revolving door of many different personalities. Most of them have lost respect that they work in someones home, care for a loved child who is part of a family unit and needs to participate in a normal fashion with their siblings. We have had nurses isolate Payson in his room, get annoyed with even angry with Margaret Ruth for behaving like a typical sibling and be intrusive in my relationship with my husband. I get so angry when I see it happening yet I do nothing. My heart aches for Margaret Ruth as she is only 3 and doesn't understand why Payson has someone everyday to devote their entire day to him or why so many people come to visit and play with him or why he gets to go play at therapy. This senecio is hard to watch and I say nothing because I am too exhausted to fight that battle. I feel lost in a dark hole unable to protect all that is precious to me...my home and my family.

One night last week Todd came home to find me crying, which is a rare sight and knew that I was over all of it. So, after his business trip this week we spontaneously cancelled the nursing shifts for the rest of the week and headed out of town with the two little ones in tow. Even though we aren't at some resort relaxing on a warm sunny beach, but are in Ohio where spring hasn't made an appearance and winter still has a grasp it is away! Away from our nurses as a smaller family unit ( theboys had other plans) away from most everything that makes us frustrated. It has been delightful even in the cold rain. Just the thought of going home to nurses on Monday makes me cringe.

Despite my lousy mood I have spent time reflecting on what today means! I can not believe the king of kings died for me this cosistant sinner! Oh how fortunate I am to be able to follow him and love him!

Happy Easter and know our savior is alive and well!