The Sun will come out tomorrow!

First and foremost the boys made honor roll this quarter!!!! Congratulations boys, we are very proud of you both for working hard and making the grade!

And in this corner is Payson Bauders weighing in at 12 lbs. 14 oz. Can you believe that? Now some of this weight gain is the result of the massive swelling he has had from his surgery/fluids/non-movement, some of it is the HPN aka Super Juice he has been getting, but mostly it is good ole fashion momma milk! Speaking of swelling...He is so swollen when you see him you laugh because his head looks like a basketball (it is round and about that big). His cheeks are so healthy and pinch able it looks as if he has stuffed a couple of chestnuts in his cheeks! The only part that doesn't look so cute, but painful are his hands and feet. The poor thing is being kicked while he is down!

Payson is feeling much better and in the midst of all this he has found his voice. Yup, this boy misses his suction tube so much that he has to coo non-stop. It is such a sweet sound, (he sounds hoarse and has a very faint coo)! Yesterday, was a big day because he came off his nasal cannula, went back into a big crib, got dressed for the first time in a week, pain medicine management began to get weaned down and I got to hold him! Can't get much better then that, but then there was today! He was pleasantly alert my entire visit, got a bath with a good hair washing, (he looked so spiffy and smelled much better), went down further on his pain meds, sat in his bouncy seat, starred at himself for hours in the mirror, I got to hold him and he just felt more like himself! It has been a good weekend with Payson indeed! Tomorrow should follow suit...His test to see if his sutures leak will be performed at 1 pm. This test will let us know if we can begin to feed him again and start the rehabilitation portion of recovery. One more step closer to being home. Let me tell you the closer we get to leaving the more impatient I am...I can't wait to bust out of there with my son!!!! Soon, very soon!

So, please be praying tomorrow at 1 pm...We need Payson not to leak, tolerate full feeds and have no reflux in order to get maybe (slight maybe) be home for Thanksgiving! Please Lord, Please!

I leave you with two emails/letters I have received during this time in our lives that have touched my heart in ways I can never explain:

One of my sister's dear friends has experienced life in the NICU with her son who had/has a heart defect. She wrote me to encourage me and wrote out the lyrics to this song:

He's My Son

I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure you can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes

Chorus
Can you hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can you see him?
Can you make him feel all right?
If you can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone...He's my son!

Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that you're there.

The following was written by a friend in our community group. I sure hope she doesn't mind me sharing her vision with my blogging friends. Her timing was perfect b/c I was still a little bummed after hearing the news of Payson's surgery! I love her imagery.

I had an image in my mind of Payson walking a very fine, fine line. On either side of the fine line were huge ravines, dropping into nothingness. The next image that came to mind was of God Himself, holding Payson's hand and they were just walking. A huge, open field was before them, behind them and all around them and they were just, hand-in-hand, taking a slow walk.

I believe the interpretation of these two images is: the first image is what we consider Payson's state to be, the second image is what is really happening. Payson has never been hanging over a precipice, carefully taking each step (or having each step taken for him), lest he fall. He has been guided, quite slowly, quite purposefully, through a place that is as solid as a rolling field. It is a place unthreatened by accidental falls. It is the field of "God's will".

Thus, my prayer has been to focus on speed. Crying out for God's mercy to remember our weakness and to walk faster through that solid field. :0)