Christmas 2009

Happy Day Late Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve was here and gone in no time. I spent most of the day with Payson in the hospital, then ran home to go have a lovely dinner over at my Aunt's house. When my Uncle cooks we know it is going to be a fantastic meal and he did not disappoint. We spent many hours eating, laughing and joking! It was also revealed that my 92 year old grandmother has a man who is crushing on her. She was so funny about it when we teased her about her admirer. It was a good time by all! After coming back home Todd and I loaded the car to go deliver presents to our little boy! Last week when I found out that we would be in the hospital over Christmas I ran out and got him a tree, wreath, stocking and window clings to help me decorate his drab room. When we arrived we noticed a large present on the chair. Apparently, the hospital Santa had been to see Payson and had delivered presents. The hospital volunteers do this for each and every child that is inpatient. It is more then one present as you will hear later in this post. We pushed the Santa gift towards the tree, hung his stocking on the window loaded with gifts and put all his many, many presents under his tree. His room looked so festive and warm, (he just didn't know it). We kissed him a Merry Christmas and came home to "play" Santa to our kids for the morning.

Yesterday was a lovely day despite the fact of having a hospitalized child. We all woke up around 8 am and got ready to come down and open our stockings. The stockings were filled to the brim with fun toy stuff, gadgets, essentials and jewelry for others, (me). After our stockings were opened we ate a nice Christmas breakfast of cinnamon apples, eggs, bacon and Swedish bread, (yup, Grandma Ayers you read that right I tried my hand and well...it leaves a lot to be desired) and Sara's cinnamon buns. I allowed the kids to open 2 presents before they headed to church with Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Mike while we headed to the hospital. Since they got to pick their presents to open they didn't pick anything of great excitement on their part.

When we arrived at the hospital we delivered a warm, homemade Christmas dinner to the nurses break room. They got homemade sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, Christmas broccoli, rolls, pies and a yummy Honey Baked Ham. I wanted to stay and eat, but decided to go see my sweet boy. Earlier that morning, Payson had already received his first trach change. This signals that he could come off sedation and we could begin our training. Despite the site still being pretty raw he did well with the change, but they felt they needed to continue with the sedation. I asked that they delay the next dose so that we could get some Christmas time. He was able to open his eyes for a few quick moments, but was really out of it. For the first time in 4 days I was able to hold my precious son. While I held him Todd opened his presents showing him each one as he slept. Boy did he make out! The gift that Santa brought contained a stuffed bear, rattle, CD, 2 books, handmade blanket and glow worm. Can you believe they gave him so many presents? He is only 4 months. (Yesterday, he turned four months! Happy 4 month birthday Payson!) I was so touched that the volunteers had done that for Payson, never mind all the kids in the hospital. Once we were finished opening his presents I sat there and held him for awhile before he began to get uncomfortable and needed to get back into bed. We kissed him goodbye and headed home.

By the time we got home I was so exhausted I told the kids we'd have to wait until later to finish the presents so that I could get a small nap in. Poor kids! They were so patient, but this helped drawl out Christmas. When I woke up for my nap we ran out the door to go eat dinner at Sara's. She served up some yummy prime rib, potatoes, broccoli, rolls and jello. Of course there were some yummy pies at the end of it. We sat around chatting, laughing and being together. A good time was had by all. As night drew to a close we remembered we had the big presents to finish opening, so we rushed back out the door to come home. We sat on our living room floor opening presents one at a time so we all could see who got what. (Noelle the boys hated that idea, but I loved it). Before long all the presents were opened and everyone was exhausted. Our desire was to return to the hospital, but since Payson was sedated and we were exhausted we figured we'd just come in the next day. It was such a busy few days, but they were full of laughter, family and love.

At the end of the day when Todd and I were in bed I told him how sad I was that we didn't have a moment to catch our breath. We didn't read the Christmas story, do any family traditions, make a birthday cake for Jesus or sing Happy Birthday. I felt we failed to focus the day on the true meaning of Christmas and reflect on what it means for us that Jesus Christ was born that day. I was extremely disappointed I allowed the day to rush me along without taking the time to say, hold on we need to refocus our attention. This whole season went by without traditions, stopping to take in the Christmas time, donating to charity, driving around looking at Christmas lights and so much more. It is very disturbing to me and one I vow to not let happen again.

On the other hand I am grateful for the busyness! I kept myself so busy that I didn't have time to dwell on having a hospitalized baby that prevented us from all being together on Christmas day. (Despite my attempts the hospital was prevented by the CDC to allow children under the age of 16 in the hospital to visit). I was unable to download and process the fact that I was torn between spending time with my sick child or the healthy ones at home. Because I was so busy my heat didn't ache nearly as much as it could have! I must say that since he was sedated and slept the day away it made it much easier to decide who needed me most! He won't remember I wasn't at his bedside all day, but my older kids would have!

Today, Todd's parents decided to go to the hospital and hang out with Payson for a little while. Since I didn't want them to feel rushed or pressured because I was there I decided to delay my visit so they would have some private time. While I waited we decided to undecorated for Christmas. Yes, you read that right! We have all our decorations down, (except outside wreaths and that is because they were wet), pack up and most of it away in the attic. Can you believe that? I never take my tree down before the 1st of the year, but this year I felt so claustrophobic with all the stuff up I just wanted it all down. (Maybe in my Psyche the decor reminded me of the void left in the house with Payson's hospitalization...that is my guess anyhow). Once most of it was down, laundry was in and Todd's parents here I ran out the door to do some quick Christmas decor shopping. A couple of years ago my mom, sister and I decided to shop the after Christmas 50% off decor sales to stock up on neighbor, teachers, friends gifts. Since then it has become my tradition to shop these sales, (apparently, it is my sister's and mom's too as they shopped our usual spot today too) I missed my shopping buddies terribly while I hit the stores a lone. (: Wish ya'll were here! Did anyone else shop these sales? All the stores I visited, (with the exception of Pier One) were raped and pillaged...even Kohl's who always has many many left over Christmas stuff. Of all places, Target was out of wrapping paper! It is my opinion that the retailers decided to scale back on their Christmas buying so they wouldn't be left with overstock after the season, but that is just my opinion. (: Despite the lack of items I did manage to find stuff that would be nice gifts!

When I went in to see Payson he wasn't so well. He had spiked a 102 temp, was full of mucus, bubbling at the mouth, had a higher heart rate and out of it. Even though he was sedated you could tell he wasn't feeling well! The poor thing would cough and cough until tears streamed down his face. He would wince in pain and try to cry, but he had no sound. Apparently, Payson isn't going to be able to have sound until he is rid of his trach. They did take a few cultures of the mucus in his throat and found some bacteria in it. This is commonly known as tracheitis, an infection of the trach site. Dear God, what's next?! Despite his fever they decided to stop his sedation, it will take about 24 hours to get it out of his system, but by the time I was leaving I had already asked for some Morphine. He was so irritable, coughing and restless! I hated to see him like that! There was one point where he was crying, coughing and had hiccups! Poor kid! They did take blood so they could do a blood culture to make sure he isn't septic, but they doubt he is b/c he isn't acting like it. Tonight when I called in before Todd went in Payson didn't have a fever and was resting comfortably. May that continue.

On Monday we begin our trach training which is supposed to take 8-12 weeks, but it is my goal that Payson be home by Margaret Ruth's birthday on 2/11. I am confident we can be trained by then, but the rest is in Payson's and God's court!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas with lots of friends, family that had as much laughter and fun as we had!